Alana stood, her back to the blacked out window, watching Nicholas sleep. As she ran a fingertip across her bottom lip she thought about his proposal. It wasn’t a simple will you marry me type of question. Being turned was so much more than that.
The more she thought about it, the more she wished she didn’t care about him as much as she did. Saying no would be easier if that were the case. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him and she knew refusing the life he wanted to give her would.
It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought long and hard about it. In fact she’d almost said yes on more than one occasion. But when she thought about living as long as Nicholas had her resolve to go through with it vanished. The fact that her diet would consist of blood didn’t help any either.
She lay down next to him and propped herself up on her elbow. As her fingers gently played through his long black hair she started to cry. Never before had she had to deal with such an emotional struggle. Getting past Paul’s death had been hard, but his death hadn’t been a decision she had had to make. Neither was Jennifer’s. Ben made those decisions. She simply had to learn to live with events she couldn’t control.
This was different. This one would be solely on her shoulders. The blood of the people she drank from should she allow him to turn her would be on her hands. Even with as little as she knew about vampires she knew the possibility of accidentally killing someone was always there. Who’s to say she wouldn’t come to enjoy feeling life slip away? Who’s to say she could do it at all?
Time would creep by so slowly a month would likely feel like a year. Could she live from one night to the next knowing she had untold amounts of time in front of her? Could she give up the sun? Would night visits to Matt be enough? Probably not. A couple of hours would be all she would get. He’d need rest for work.
Then family entered her mind. Since Ben’s attack she’d been adamant about not having kids. Bringing a child into the world with all the violence and hatred had been unfathomable to her. Now things were different. She finally saw the good. As long as she could surround her children with that they would have good lives. But, becoming a vampire would put an end to that idea instantly.
She put her head on his chest and wrapped her arm around his waist. As she listened to his heart slowly beat she wondered if when the time came she could tell him no. He was everything she’s ever wanted and more. With him she could have a happy future. All she had to do was embrace his lifestyle.